The Fiction We Live

2008-04-01T18:10:00.003+08:00

Hello.

I think I'll be using Wordpress from now on.
All the previous posts from this blog is transferred to wordpress.
Okaythxbai.

http://nicktaken.wordpress.com

2008-04-01T01:19:00.002+08:00

I watched the video Fitna.
sick.

I'm a muslim.
And I believe in Allah.
And I do not believe in killing anybody for the greater good, I do not believe in killing a person because he or she strays away from the path or anything. You don't get to judge people because you aren't capable of thinking straight, only God can judge you for what you are. You just can't compare Islam to the Holocaust.

You can't judge Islam based on what is shown on the video.
Sure, you translate the verses of the Al-Quran, but do you actually know what they really mean?
No religion orders its followers to kill others for the greater good.

World peace can never exist if the stereotyping doesn't stop. Which never will I guess.

What is the world coming to?
Sometimes when I think about it, I'd rather not have a child, seeing what the world is coming to now. Global warming, food shortage, constant wars, fight for the greater good, the everyday struggle to succeed, to survive, where everyone is a hypocrite. Would you want to bring a child up in this kind of world? You have wars for world peace.

I'm just 18.
But I'm thinking about the future I'm growing up to.
I'm thinking about the society I'm going to be part of oneday.
I'm thinking about the various stereotypes I'll be meeting.
I'm thinking about my own piece of happiness.
what is the world coming to really?
*sigh

2008-03-31T23:16:00.003+08:00

Change.

I'm going through a process called Changing right now.
I'm planning out everything.
I will be exceed in poly and get the dip, and move on to uni.

I'm leaving.
Don't you know that?

On hiatus

2008-03-31T16:55:00.003+08:00

I think I will be going on hiatus.

I don't know who I am.
I don't know what I want.
Some days you just wanna curl up in your bed and do nothing. And this is one of those days.

On believing.

2008-03-31T01:06:00.004+08:00

Excerpts from Eleven Minutes.

"All my life, I thought of love as some kind of voluntary enslavement. Well, that's a lie: freedom only exists when love is present. The person who gives him or herself wholly, the person who feels freest, is the person who loves most wholeheartedly feels free....
I hope this time passes quickly, so that I can resume my search for myself - in the form of a man who understands me and does not make me suffer.
But what am I saying? In love no one can harm anyone else, we are each of us responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we feel.
It hurt when I lost each of the various men I fell in love with. Now, though, I am convinced that no one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone.
That is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it."
Eleven Minutes- Paulo Coelho, page 96

I believe so too.
You don't own your bf or your gf.
Can anybody really do that now? To actually love someone without wanting to own them. To not wanting to control every aspect of their lives. Who they can talk to, who they can't. Who they can choose to be friends with, who they can't. Its ridiculous when I see it now. I mean, yes, I was one of those people who chose to control every aspect of someone I loved. Maybe going too far sometimes.

Maybe the only promises that you can make is to yourself, cause if you ever break it, the only person you would disappoint would be yourself. You don't make promises knowing that you can't keep it. You don't change cause you are told to. You change cause you need to. You don't be with a person and expect that person to change, you be with a person cause you love them for who they are. Despite all those idiotic things they do. Love is indeed blind, cause you love with your heart.

HAHA.

The fact is, I've only been in love not more then two times. I've had failed relationships, and I'm only 18. And who the hell am I to be talking about love? Haha. But the best love of all?
To no one but God Himself.

2008-03-30T16:53:00.003+08:00

Catch this movie, it came out last year though. But still catch it.
I haven't cried like that for a long time, and the tears couldn't stop flowing when I watched it. The story hit me hard in the guts.
I felt for Charlie.
Just watch it.

2008-03-29T17:53:00.002+08:00

My new love, books by Paulo Coelho.
If you are looking to buy me things *ahem books by Paulo Coelho please. I already have The Zahir and Eleven Minutes. I want all of them. Heh.

Did some light shopping with Mum & Izad at Jp. And now just practically enjoying every single minute cause I think, every thing is wonderful, and going at the right pace. & finally saw Yan after two days, tsk. I love my brothers, & I have an awesome family, and brothers. & awesome mates.

I think there are only two girlfriends that I can actually see us being friends after like, five, ten years, after getting married, after having children and all that stuffs. Haha, Chris and Elly. The only two people I truly truly trust, and the two girls that I enjoy being with. Can you imagine like ten years from now, both of them already become aunties or tai-tais and being the god-parents of my children. Haha. So cute. And then hang out like how my dad does with his best mates. I love these two.

HAHAA.
NOW EVERYBODY CAN SEE YOU.
-.-

2008-03-29T00:29:00.001+08:00

TSK

I JUST SAVED EVERYTHING WITHOUT SAVING LINKS OR ANYTHING.
TSK TSK TSK

will change blog skin again tmrw.
TSK

I'll link up everybody then.

2008-03-29T00:01:00.002+08:00

Gotsa cathem all.

Mum & Dad finally bought me a new mp3.
White colour since 2gb only came in black or white. So black uh.
And its like so yummy.

Finally bought stationary, colour pencils and everything and a whole load of 0.28 pens. Its like the best pens ever uh. Finally bought my notice board.

2008-03-28T00:36:00.000+08:00

Will change blogskin again tmrw.
Template and skin is being a bitch.
I'm tired.

Tomorrow

2008-03-27T19:19:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow is Friday.
Tomorrow somebody will die.
Tomorrow somebody will get born.
Tomorrow is somebody's birthday.
Tomorrow someone is suffering.
Tomorrow someone will get married.
Tomorrow someone will get divorced.

Tomorrow, and to think of it. You are here reading this entry while someone else is doing something entirely different. Like making love, or dying.

And tomorrow Wii will be arriving.
Tomorrow, tomorrow. Bring it on I say.

Wishes

2008-03-26T23:57:00.002+08:00

Candles blown out during birthdays, don't forget to make a wish.

A genie in a bottle, three wishes for you.

Starlight star bright, first start I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might...sth sth.

The point is, we keep on wishing for things to happen. I wish, I wish. I wish to be the richest person on earth. I wish for world peace. I wish, I wish. I suppose, all these wishes are some sort of unspoken prayer. In some way, it makes us feel better. I think.

You wishing for a pony on your third birthday.
You wishing to meet someone better after you got dumped.
You wishing to get married after watching all your friends got married.
You wishing for more time when you've been diagnosed with an incurable disease.
You wishing that you could re-do life all over again, and some how make it right.

Life is simple actually, you make decisions, and you don't look back.
Sure, simpler said then done, but actually it is simple. The only thing that is making you look back is either guilt or you thinking that things could have been better.

I suppose, the one thing that isn't making you happy, is constant thinking. Stop thinking of what could have, should have, would have happened. I am over that a long time ago. Yes, I am. When you get past all those stages, I suppose you feel lighter, and more happier.

And my favourite quote from The Wizard of Oz:
Hearts will never be practical, until they're made unbreakable

I suppose so.

HAHAHA

2008-03-26T17:13:00.004+08:00

This is like fucking gross ah.
Imagine these insects instead of the usual ones you meet ah.
AND I THOUGHT COCKROACHES WERE THE ONLY INSECTS I SHOULD BE AFRAID OFF, other the butterflies.

I have a phobia against butterflies. Yes, shuddup.

&& oh, the info is from: http://cracked.com

Japanese Giant Hornet (vespa mandarinia japonica)
From: Japan, obviously.

Why you must fear it:
It's the size of your thumb and it can spray flesh-melting poison. We really wish we were making that up for, you know, dramatic effect because goddamn, what a terrible thing a three-inch acid-shooting hornet would be, you know? Oh, hey, did we mention it shoots it into your eyes? Or that the poison also has a pheromone cocktail in it that'll call every hornet in the hive to come over and sting you until you are no longer alive?

Think you can outrun it? It can fly 50 miles in a day. It'd be nice to say something reassuring at this point, like "Don't worry, they only live on top of really tall mountains where nobody wants to live," but no, they live all over the goddamned place, including outside Tokyo.

Forty people die like that every year, each of them horribly.

Bullet Ant (Paraponera clavata)

From:
Rainforests from Nicaragua to Paraguay

Why you must fear it:
It's a full inch long, it lives in trees and thus can and will fall on you to scare you away from its hive--the one you didn't know was there, because it's in a fucking tree. Before it does this, it shrieks at you. This ant, you see, can shriek.

It's called a Bullet Ant because its 'unusually severe' sting feels like getting shot. On the Schmidt Sting Index, Bullet Ants rate as the number one most try-not-to-shit-out-your-spine painful in the entirety of the Kingdom Arthropoda.

Also--and we do feel the need to stress this--they fucking shriek at you before they attack.

Ants usually go up your pants and then bite you at those "places". Imagine these ants going up your pants and bitting your bits off. HAHA. zomg. Thats so -.-

More scary shit:
Are you the sort of person who likes to think of yourself as tough? A "badass," perhaps? "Hard," as they say?

Some of the indigenous peoples of the area use Bullet Ants as part of this initiation-to-manhood ceremony that they do. You know the kind we mean, with us it's like, a big party and your relatives give you money and everyone loves you and is so proud of you? Yeah with them, it's these special leaf sleeves with hundreds of bullet ants woven into them, stingers-inwards. They put them on and are immediately stung to holy fucking bejeezus by, and this is important, hundreds of Bullet Ants woven into the sleeves, stingers-inward

The goal is to leave them on for 10 minutes, after which their arms are stiff, useless lengths of twisting agony, their bodies wracked with uncontrollable spasms for days. And in order to be actually pass the ordeal and become a man, they have to do it 20 fucking times.
WATCH the video and thank god you don't have any such initiation. Haha.

Army or Soldier Ant (Eciton burchellii)

From:
The Amazon Basin. There's other subfamilies living in Asia and Africa, but these are the most notorious.

Why you must fear it:
By now, you will not be surprised to hear that these ants are, in fact, fucking huge, with the soldiers reaching a half inch in length. You will also not be surprised to learn that they have massive, powerful, machete-like jaws half the length of the soldiers themselves. They're notorious for dismantling any living thing in their path, regardless of size. They're also completely blind, which for some reason makes the whole thing worse.

AND THE BEST FOR THE LAST
*EVIL LAUGH
.
.
.
.
.
.

Bot Fly (family oestridae, genus and species varies)

From:
Most species found in Central and South America, some species found all over the world

Why you must fear it:
Oh boy. Ohhhhh boy. Okay, Bot flies.

There are dozens of varieties of Bot Fly, they're each highly adapted to target a specific animal, they have delightfully descriptive names like Horse Stomach Bot Fly, Sheep Nose Bot Fly and, hey, guess what. One of them is called Human Bot Fly.

They each have a different and elaborate reproductive cycle, all of which end with a fat, half-inch maggot embedded in living flesh. Feeding.

Horse Stomach Bots, for example, lay their eggs in grass. Horses eat the grass. And the eggs. Which hatch in the heat of the horse's mouth. Upon which they chew through the horse's tongue and burrow, through the horse, into its belly. Where they meet up and dig honeycombs into the horse's stomach. And get fat. When they're ready to be flies, they just let go and get pooped out of the system.

The Human Bot Fly lays its eggs on a horsefly or a mosquito, something that will attempt to land on a human. This carrier finds a human and lands on him or her. The eggs rub off onto the human, whose body heat hatches the eggs. The larvae drop onto the skin and burrow right the fuck in. Where they live. Under your skin. Eating.

WATCH the video. And puke. zomg.

And these things can go up anywhere. For all you know, you could be pulling one out from your tear duct, or one can be up in your brain. Or maybe your pubes. CAN YOU IMAGINE pulling that thing out?!?! Its like ouch ah. And how sure am I that it can go up to your brain?

Photographic evidence.

2008-03-26T02:37:00.002+08:00

Okay, after postponing and planing several times, the whole thing is already confirmed:

Friday, 11th April.
Meet at JE first cabin at 11:30
DO NOT BE LATE

After the whole event, we'll be eating at Boon Lay or some other place. Depends.
People going:
-Me
-Elly
-Shar
-Hong Jun
-Noob (yong qiang)
-Zlan
-Chaqif
-Naz
-Su
-Helmi
-Haziq
-Qayyum
-Val
-Ram
-Fir

Err, the people in blue not confirmed yet. If anything changes, I'll msg uh.

Outing

2008-03-24T16:39:00.003+08:00

Supper Outing At Boon Lay

So, the supper outing will be before 14 April since majority wants it to before school starts. The people going are:
-Shar
-Hong Jun
-Yong Qiang
-Me
-Elly
-Chaqif
-Zlan
-Nazrul

If you wanna join or want anybody to join just bring them along uh. This time, invitations are out. If you wanna join, you join. Since I'm planning this event, msg me if anything changes. The details will be updated soon.

Books

2008-03-23T22:42:00.004+08:00

"Only the following items should be considered to be grave faults: not respecting another's rights: allowing oneself to be paralyzed by fear; feeling guilty; believing that one does not deserve the good or ill that happens in one's life; being a coward. We will love our enemies, but not make alliances with them. They were placed in our path in order to test our sword, and we should, out of respect for them, struggle against them. We will choose our enemies."- Paulo Coelho ; Like The Flowing River

Some books that I wanna purchase. I love Paulo Coelho. I love reading, cause somehow it gives me peace, it makes me think and it makes me happy. I love the feel of a new book, the scent and everything. And one of my dream is to have a mini library when I have my own place. Just one room filled with nothing but books. It'll be so wonderful. The first book that got me into reading is Harry Potter. Huh. Then the collection of books started building up, one after another.
And I have my favourites:

-The Zahir by Paulo Coelho
-The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
-Tuesdays With Morrie and The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom
-Angels & Demons by Dan Brown
-Wolf Of The Plains by Conn Iggulden
-The Diary Of A Young Girl by Anne Frank
-Thurston House by Danielle Steel

I need more.

Tagged by Chris

2008-03-22T20:12:00.003+08:00

How to Play
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. No cheating.
4. With the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.
5. Tag 5 people.

How are you feeling today?
When You Were Young - The Killers
suits uh. You sit there in your heartache waiting for some beautiful boy to save you from your old ways..yes. Sitting here. WOW. That sounds despo-ish and pathetic manxz. But I'm not.

Will you get far in life?
Linger - The Cranberries
Wth. No link.

How do your friends see you?
What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts
Again no link. Maybe they see me hurting and dying on the inside. HAHA. No lah. I'm not. This song is wonderful.

Will you get married?
Bones - The Killers
SO YES!

What is your best friend’s theme song?
The Bakery - The Arctic Monkeys
Huh. Sad song. ARE ANY OF MY FRIENDS SAD :(

What is the story of your life?
The Kill - 30 Seconds To Mars
Bury me bury me. I am finished with you.
HAHA.
I think so?
Cause too much struggling and fighting.
HAHAHAHAHA.

What was high school like?
When Will I See Your Face Again - Jamie Scott & The Town
Huh. Only applies for the last year in high school.
OTHER THEN THAT.
NA

How can you get ahead in life?
You Only Live Once - The Strokes
YES.
I ONLY LIVE ONCE.

What’s the best thing about your friends?
Somebody Told Me - The Killers
AWESOME.
They tell me things.
Like how the sky is blue.
And how pee is sometimes not yellow. Huh.

What’s in store for this weekend?
Mr.Brightside - The Killers
I LOVEEEE THIS SONGGG
I'm not attached, so NA.

Describe your grandparents.
Before It's Too Late - Goo Goo Dolls
Nothing is real till its gone.

How’s your life going?
Running - No Doubt
Maybe so? I don't know. Its an enigma.

What song will they play at your funeral?
4 In The Morning - Gwen Stefani
Wow. Die because of love? How cliche.

How does the world see you?
You Know I'm No Good - Arctic Monkeys
That I'm a cheating promiscuous person?
HAHAH
No way.

Will you have a happy life?
Apology - Alesana
YES. After people say sorry.
HAHA.

Do people secretly lust after you?
Tila Tequila - Fuck Ya Man
I know I'm hot and all but thats like wrong.
HAHHAHAAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAHA.
you wanna get mad bitch I don't give damn.
HAHAHAHAHAAHA.

How can you make yourself happy?
Lips Of An Angel - Hinders
By cheating on my bf with my ex bf. Thats how.

What should you do with your life?
Corner Of Your Heart - Ingrid Michealson
Pack my bags just to stay in the corner of your heart.
A beautiful song.

Will you ever have children?
Smile Like You Mean It - The Killers
Huh. I think so.

What song would you strip to?
Everything Will Be Alright - The Killers
More of a slow strip to a fast one uh.
CAN AH.
HAHAAHA

What does your mum think of you?
Name - Goo Goo Dolls
huh.

What is your deep, dark secret?
Read My Mind - The Killers
Yes. Read my mind, and you will know. Know alllll.

What is your mortal enemy’s theme song?
A Sorta Fairytale - Tori Amos
is my enemy having problems with his/her bf/gf?
Sweet

What’s your personality like?
Romeo & Juliet - The Killers
Yeahh. Its like that uh.

What song will be played at your wedding?
One Wish - Ray J
Aww.

I am tagging...
Shar, Elly, Hazzziq HAHA.

2008-03-22T18:00:00.002+08:00

Paradise Lost - Jonestown.

Watch this documentary.
It could strike a cord in you that you don't even know existed.
Or you could just read about it here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonestown#Origins

I vas rubbed by twoo men

2008-03-21T22:36:00.003+08:00

ICE CREAM OUTING

Basically, we were about Holland trying to find the place.
Over here. Over there.
We went in circles.
Round and round.
Asked random people:
WHERE IS LORONG MAMBONG AH?

Zomg.

FINALLY WE FOUND IT.
And it WAS AWESOME.
Even the person making the creations is cute. BONUS manxz.
Aussie Vanilla with Apple Pie Filling & Graham Crackers or something like that.
HAHAHAHA.

Awesome manxz.Elly's, Atiq's and Mine.

HAHAHA. Friendster dp.

And then horxz we ish headed tuh Viv0 after that de.
We ish walkinx-walkinx around there.
HAHAHA.
And the song I VAS ROBBED BY TWO MEN kept playing over and over again in my head.

SEE THIS LIMS THEY'RE SO SHINEHHHH.
DON'T WORRY I THROWN THEM IN FOR FLEEEEEE

kthxbai

2008-03-20T23:10:00.002+08:00

Some random pictures that Elly and I took when she came over yesterday.
We took pictures with my webcam. :D

Temptation

2008-03-20T20:49:00.002+08:00

You always want what you can't have.

How true.
I want that Studded Leather Flats from Pedder Red, cause I know I can't have them. Not can't. Its cause its expensive for a pair of sandals. 150$. Like Chris said, can buy a fake Chanel bag already. Haha. Yeahh.

Temptation, temptation. I've never smoked, and I don't plan to. Honestly, I don't like ciggs. Its a disgusting habit. And I found out that people who smoke, their lips get black. Disgusting? Yes. Definitely. Its random uh.
Anywho.

I think today I will start reading either Tuesday's With Morrie or For One More Day. I need inspiration and guidance.

I miss Chris.
Wee ish me3tingxz so0nz okayx?

Cakes and fairytale endings

2008-03-20T01:52:00.002+08:00

Eating.
Stuffing my face full of goodness.
That usually makes me happy when I'm upset.
That usually cheers me up, to a certain extent that is.
And chatting with you, looking at you.
Always the friend.
Always there.

Stuffing your face with starbucks cheesecake is nothing but satisfying.
And sinful.

Can't wait for friday really.
I miss Atiq.
(:

2008-03-18T23:12:00.002+08:00

I give you money and send you into the grocery store to pick up 6 items.
You can only pick one thing from the following departments.. what is it?

1. Produce: strawberries?
2. Bakery: cream puffs
3. Meat: salmon
4. Frozen: b&j
5. Dry goods: maggeh
6. Dairy: Whip cream (it has cream)

Let's say we're heading out for a weekend getaway.
You're only allowed to bring 3 articles of clothing with you.

1. Underwear
2. pants
3. tops -.-

If I was to listen in on one of your conversations throughout the day, what 5 phrases or words would I be most likely to hear?

1. huh
2. uhh
3. *my laugh
4. really?
5. errrr okay.

What 3 things do you find yourself doing every single day, and if you didn't get to do, you probably wouldn't be in the best mood?

1. Eat
2. Sleep
3. on lappy.

Sweet, you just scored a whole afternoon to yourself.
What 5 activities might we find you doing?

1. Net surfing
2. Radio Listening
3. Tv watching
4. Eating
5. Sleeping

We're going to the zoo. But, it looks like it could start storming, so it'll have to be a quick visit.
What 3 exhibits do we have to get to?

1. White Tigers
2. Monkeys
3. Otters

You just scored tickets to the taping of any live show that comes on t.v. of your choice.

1. Tyra Banks Show
2. *I'll go where Elly is going. I want free stuffz too.
3.

e you a triple dipper ice cream cone.

1. Cookies and Cream
2. Rocky Road
3. Vanilla

Somebody stole your wallet.
In order to get it back, you have to name 5 things you know are inside to claim it.

1. Receipts
2. Paper
3. Nothing much. Cause I don't usually put my stuffs in a wallet.
4.
5.

You are at a job fair, and asked what areas you are interested in pursuing a career in.
Let's pretend you have every talent and ability to be whatever you wanted, so what 10 careers would be fun for you?

1. Super model
2. Vet
3. President Of America
4. Candy Maker
5. IKEA designer
6. Hairstylist and cutter
7. Designer
8. Heiress
9. Stripper *cause I want a nice bod.
10. Writer

If you could go back and talk to the old you when you were in high school, and inform yourself of 4 things, what would you say?

1. TAKE A CCA DAMN IT.
2. Don't be with that jackass.
3. Fuck what they say.
4. Guys can wait.

Tagged: Anybody who doesn't have anything to do.

Friday, outing with Atiq and Elly at a possibly a new hangout area that we can hang out at and eat good ice cream. Oooo~ I can't wait to eat the yummy goodness :P
I am finally busy for the two weeks just cause school is opening.
AND I'm cutting my hair :D

& oh. April is a fun month.
I'm going on the Singapore Flyer.
Getting Wii.
School is opening.
Mum and Yan's birthday.

AHHH. Two more weeks to April!

2008-03-18T21:18:00.002+08:00

I suppose so.

Mum & Dad took half day today to send bibik off to Hong Kong, we spent the rest of the day having fun together, as a family. It was fun.
We walked around at T3.
I got my jellybeans and skinnies.
Now looking for laptop skins.

I'm tired. Pooped.
kthxbai

2008-03-18T00:08:00.002+08:00

Awesomeness.

Family bonding.
At the driving range.
Izad and I, finally took up golfing again after so long not hitting the range.
Awesomness manxz.

Junk

2008-03-17T16:49:00.002+08:00

I have too much junk.
Useless junk in my room.
Things I just bought cause I wanted it.
I don't need it. Just wanted it.

My room is a mess.
Too much junk in a corner.
Books in every drawer.
Pencils here and there.

I guess I should be clearing stuff out. Wednesday I suppose. I can figure out what I don't need, and things I can just throw away. I think I'll give away my some of my soft toys to the salvation army? Idk. I don't really like soft toys, its useless really, collects nothing but dusts and germs. Magazines are in. Pencils and Pens are in. Books are in too. The rest I suppose are out. I need a bigger room. Lets try persuading Dad to enlarge my room abit more. And the place I'm afraid to venture most is under the bed.
Sigh.
I need to clear things out before school starts.
Raah.
kthxbai

2008-03-15T17:02:00.003+08:00

I'm on a movie watching spree :D

Movies I am going to watch:
-John Tucker Must Die
-Along Came Polly
-10 Things I Hate About You
-American Beauty

&&&
Tv series of:
Whose Line Isit Anyway :D
& The Simpsons.

And officially official.
Cutting hair :D

Haha.
Okay. Byebye

2008-03-14T23:08:00.002+08:00

School orientation is starting in two weeks. New school, new clothes, new friends. :D
New place to be in.
Instead of the usual ten minutes to get to school, now its around forty to an hour? wow. Big difference. I have wake up earlier to get to school now. -.-

zomg.

new school new school :D
*dances around

Camera

2008-03-13T21:01:00.002+08:00

Today is officially the death of my camera. *Sigh.
I already told my mum and got an earful of nagging. I feel bad. She just bought me a laptop and I'm repaying here like this. I mean, its not as if I purposely wanted to spoil the camera, all the functions are good, just that the screen is whacked. I think water got into it :/

Orientation is starting in two weeks. First April till Third. Lessons on 14th April. I really can't wait for tertiary life to start. I still have clothes and laptop skin to buy :/

Again, I'm bored.

ECP

2008-03-12T20:27:00.012+08:00

Went to ECP with classmates. It rained. BUT that didn't blow our plans. We just made do and played in rain and water. Fun. Didn't turn darker :D

On The Way To ECP

At ECP. Weather: Dull and Rainy

At Burger King. Hershey's sundae-palooza

On The Way Home

And one nice group picture :D

Overall it was a wonderful day. The weather was fucking cold. A couple of us were like shivering like crazy, okay, maybe only me. We gave Ram and Chaqif boobies! Ram pulled me out into the ocean, made Shar into a pregnant woman as a payback to him throwing sand at us. Water was warm, cold, fucking cold then warm -.-. BUT IT WAS AWESOME.

Next outing will be soon. Pulau Ubin I think.

Ps. I think my cam is spoilt. Grrr

2008-03-11T18:50:00.002+08:00

Edited pictures again cause I have nothing else to do.
I just put on make-up on eyes and lips. Nothing more. Overlay here, overlay there. Duh.
Tomorrow outing.
Can't wait.
I want to yoyo again.
I'm hungry.

2008-03-10T22:47:00.005+08:00

Bored with nothing to do, adobe calls me..
Huh.
I'm done.

I know i is fux no0bxz and that your gf is better. So what?
She doesn't own adobe you know.
And neither do you.
Quit whining loser.

Your gf is good, but I'm better.

2008-03-10T19:28:00.002+08:00

Went out with Hong Jun and Elly :D
Peed in a cup.
Forms almost finished.
And Hong Jun & Elly contributed money for me to buy YOYO :D
3$.
& I've got my own lappy :DDD *dances around.

Bought at IT fair, which was packed to the brim. Pushed here, grope there, hit there. Wow. Awesome man.

AHH
I'm bored.

Okay, this Wednesday outing with classmates.
DON'T BE LATE AHHHHH.

2008-03-08T03:20:00.002+08:00

egomaniac
noun [C] DISAPPROVING
a person who considers themselves to be extremely important and able to do anything that they want to do

be full of your own importance DISAPPROVING
to think and act as if you are very important

jerk (PERSON)
noun [C] (US ALSO jerk-off) SLANG
a stupid person, usually a man

hypocrisy
noun [U]
when someone pretends to believe something that they do not really believe or that is the opposite of what they do or say at another time:

Which do you fall under?
or are you under option E: All of the above.
Frankly, I'll choose E for you.

Fuck off you fag.
You don't control me anymore.
Go to hell Fir.

2008-03-05T15:32:00.002+08:00

The daily routine goes, you read your horoscope, believe in it. And go about waiting for that surprise or someone to shock you.
Having absolutely nothing to do is dull, boring, mundane. I could, if I had money and ultimate trust from my parents, use the holiday given to backpack. But I'm not.

Life isn't dull. And we're not robots acting out on a scripted play. I'm bored. I'm watching house.

2008-03-03T19:57:00.003+08:00

Have you ever look up into the sky. Just look at it and there and there let your imagination go wild. Let your thoughts run & while you look up at that massive sky, all those stars looking back at you. Don't you feel insignificant sometimes?

Time waits for no man. And its scary, cause you realize that the world isn't going to stop just cause you lost someone, just cause you're upset. The world should weep when a good person dies. The world should stop when someone we love die. And you did.

But it'll never happen. We are just mindless human beings thinking that we can live the way we want. But we're not. We live by the rules. We obey the rules. Nobody is different, don't say you live life the way you want. You don't. We're just mindless zombies. Go to school. Get a certificate. Get a diploma. Go university. Marry. Have babies. Work. Quarrel. Retire. Die.

Your life is set out on pieces of paper for you. Uhhuh.

Time is gonna take my mind
and carry it far away where I can fly
The depth of life will dim my temptation to live for you
If I were to be alone silence would rock my tears
'cause it's all about love and I know better
How life is a waving feather

So I put my arms around you around you
And I know that I'll be leaving soon

My eyes are on you they're on you
And you see that I can't stop shaking
No, I won't step back but I'll look down to hide from your eyes
'cause what I feel is so sweet and I'm scared that even my own breath
Oh could burst it if it were a bubble
And I'd better dream if I have to struggle

So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me

I'm dancing in the room as if I was in the woods with you
No need for anything but music
Music's the reason why I know time still exists
Time still exists
Time still exists
Time still exists

So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me
So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me

And oh go to: http://google.com
TYPE: FIND CHUCK NORRIS
CLICK: I'M FEELING LUCKY. SEE WHAT HAPPENS ;)

2008-03-02T02:42:00.000+08:00

I updated livejournal.

Friends only.

2008-02-29T02:23:00.002+08:00

Happy Leap Year :D

How far can teenage relationships last? A minority ends after three years. Majority after a couple of months. I'm not saying that teenage relationships can't last, yeah it can. But only a small number ever make it through marriages.

How many of us dreamt that our high school sweetheart was the ONE. The ONE that you would spend the rest of your life with. You other half, your soulmate. But it doesn't come up to that. You end up marrying someone you love more? Idk.

To me, after some failed relationships,- to me - the only way a relationship can ever work is for a couple to have: Trust. Simple as that. Saying that you trust someone is something, but believing his words is another thing. Nobody likes to be controlled, kept on a short leash. Everybody wants to be free. And yeah: STOP being clingy. Messaging every few seconds asking: What you doing? Da makan? Tak rindu I eh? Blablabla
ITS DAMN IRRITATING.

And oh yeah, its just a relationship. You're not yet married. Not yet engaged also.

Turn offs to me: Desperate, Clingy, Weak, Pushy guys. The guys that you just want to shove a cactus up their ass.

Everybody deserves a chance, but once he/she cheats on you, dump that idiot. Somebody like that doesn't deserve your time or love. Stop staying in an abusive relationship. Nobody deserves to be treated that way. Stop telling yourself that a person can change. That you can change that person. A leopard will never change its spot.

Bah. 3 am and still online.

2008-02-28T00:17:00.002+08:00

A. List seven habits/ quirks/ facts about yourself.
B. Tag seven people to do the same.
C. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag "whoever wants to do it".

1. I think School House Rock sucks.
2. 38.9kg.
3. Ambidextrous
4. I can bend my finger in a gross way.
5. Lazy
6. Bookworm & proud of it.
7. idk.

I'm a rebel cause I'm gonna say: WHOEVER WANTS TO DO IT.

2008-02-27T17:17:00.003+08:00

I'm bored.
So, this is going to be a random blog entry about random things. Random random random. Random things about? Everything.

And oh: CLASS OUTING.

The class outing will be at East Coast Parade. I think. Why? Cause we can spend time together and have fun and do mindless random things.

When?

After 3rd March I think?

Message me when you people are free.

Okay? Set.

2008-02-26T13:12:00.003+08:00

I deleted the previous post cause it was too fucking sad. I just want to escape from something. I miss my ex, and that just sucks.

I read The Kite Runner. I loved it. I cried when Hassan died. When Sohrab tried to kill himself. When Baba died. It's a real good read.

kiki

2008-02-25T15:24:00.003+08:00

I rarely put up pictures of my adorable smelly bacin slengeslenge cute cat. So, this blog entry is dedicated to my snorfle snort like babi baby. :D
The little baby that I love to bits & pieces. My number one love :D && no guy will ever come close to how much I love this little snorlfe snoggle fluffy creature :D

rocket launcher :D

izad slenge.

at this point of time kiki was irritated :D

I love you baby.

2008-02-24T12:24:00.004+08:00

I have a new love. When I showed my dad my new love, he just said: You're gonna get over it in three days. I just smiled.
Mum just stared.
He's really wonderful. And I've just only begun to know about him. But I would love to MORE. Do you want to see my new love? I really love my new love. He's so awesome.

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TA DAH!

my new love: The Kite Runner.
Awesomeness :D

& let me pretend I care.

2008-02-22T14:24:00.003+08:00

Have you ever thought about the person you're gonna marry one day? It could be a stranger you have yet to meet, your bestfriend, your enemy....he/she could even be right in front of you but you never know. huh.
I am 18, still oh so young. Even though I don't look my age *insert you 18 meh joke here* and the prospect about spending your whole life with that one person is scary to me. Really scary. Cause I am spending the rest of my life with someone, and I have to be committed. I can't even cook for God's sake. sigh.
Yes, he could be my soulmate, but how in the world does it work?
There are 6 billion people in this world. & you are bound to find that special someone out of a sea of billions right? Say you finally found that person, have a family yada yada yada. Then oneday he dies. And then you remarry.
Was the first person you married your soulmate or the second one?
OR
are neither both of them are your soulmate and you have yet to meet your soulmate?

How many soulmate is one person entitled to?

But its fascinating to be thinking about who you're gonna marry oneday. It could be anybody *insert twilight zone sound*

Buttttt I think Love is the most wonderful thing in the world. So cliche I knows.

nobody should ever give up on love, its such a wonderful feeling. Until your heart breaks into a thousand little pieces. BUT, its better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all.

But currently the feeling of falling in love eludes me.
Yes, there sparks. Definitely.

I just don't want to be committed. not at the moment or any time soon.

& just like this kitty. i poop rainbows :D

2008-02-20T16:29:00.002+08:00

I'm psyked about going to Poly, its like a relief after studying in secondary school for five years. Its a stepping stone really...but who else is going to NYP? None of my mates are going there. :(

Elly & Chris they be not going to same poly.
We be seperated.

but I can't wait for poly life, which starts in April. :D
Like finally you know?

2008-02-19T06:23:00.004+08:00

FUX PRO.
INDUSTRIAL DESIGN.
NANYANG POLY.
YAY?

Edited.
After sleeping for a couple of hours more, I realized that I don't mind going into that course even though its third choice & even though its in Yio Chu Kang, yes so far? Also, its not you traveling what. But Elly & Chris are thrown into different polys manz. That sucks. fux pro indeed.
But why in the world does MOE have to send out msgs at 6am in the morning? -.-

2008-02-19T00:59:00.002+08:00

"I still wonder why girls who likes sex and sleeps around,even when they're single and have the sole right to have a active sex life, called sluts, guys with active sex life are, well, just guys , but the lucky ones."

From a random blog.

But its true. When a girl sleeps around she is called a slut, loose & whatever vocabulary you can throw at her. I mean, she's not even in a relationship & you accuse her of being a slut for sleeping around.
Then from a bulletin in friendster:

Guys hate sluts even though
they have sex with them!
(oh yeah..you're not "popular" if
you've slept with more than 6
guys..you're a HOE)

In the first place: WHY HAVE SEX WITH THEM IF YOU DON'T LIKE THEM? Lust? You say that you don't like girls sleeping around but still you befriend these kind of people & all that fuck. I have nothing against these people cause its their life, but the thing I just don't get, why sleep with one if you hate them? So, it is okay for guys to sleep around randomly but for a girl to do so she is labeled a slut, whore? & most guys would be a fucking chauvinist & say that its okay for a guy to do. Fuck.Yourself.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Fucking random.

So why not I post about what I did today:
Met Emi at Tamp. Then met Khai. Then go home.
HAD FUCKING FUN :D

2008-02-17T21:53:00.002+08:00

I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away
I don't know where my soul is
I don't know where my home is

It's not that I wanna say goodbye
It's just that every time you try to tell me me that you love me
Each and every single day I know
I'm going to have to eventually give you away

Nelly Furtado - I'm like a bird. It just describes the mood I'm feeling now. I don't know how to go about this situation.

Something about me that just changed. I don't want to be tied down or in a way be committed into a relationship just yet. & you have so much faith in me that you make me feel so bad. Because I know you deserve somebody better, its just not me. I'm like a bird. I don't know where my home is. I'll only fly away...

2008-02-16T16:15:00.002+08:00

Sometimes eagerness is a bad thing.

Love is blind. Love controls and makes us do crazy things. Love is ridiculous cause it can make a grown man cry, it can soften the hearts of warriors and love can force people to kill. I suppose.

I suppose I don't have any idea where I'm going with this & I suppose I had enough of playing around.

I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told ya, I was trouble
You know that I'm no good

I really don't know what I've gotten myself into. Deep shiate.

2008-02-15T13:31:00.002+08:00

Naive.

Sometimes I get so angry and frustrated that I feel I could run the whole Singapore. I felt so disappointed, aggravated, and just disappointed beyond all means.
Its hard for me not to feel paranoid, harder to say: I love you too. Even harder to promise things that I don't even know that I could ever do. I just don't want to be left hanging or let down in any way possible. I don't even want to wait for a guy, not anymore really. If they want to, they should be the one waiting. I don't want to be so loyal & be kept on a leash. I don't want to change in any way possible.

I just don't get how one person can make you so happy and make you so frustrated at the same time. I just don't find pleasure in the pain, I don't find pleasure in a heart breaking or getting disappointed over and over again. Sometimes you just want to give up all together but it just seems stupid to do so.

It’s never been easy for me
To find words to go along, with a melody
But this time there’s actually something, on my mind
So please forgive these few brief awkward lines
Since I’ve met you, my whole life has changed
For years I’ve been telling myself, the same old story
That I’m happy to live off my so called, former glories
But you’ve given me a reason, to take another chance

I gave you this chance. This one chance. But it just seems too much to ask from you. Of course. I really believed in you. I really did. & yes, maybe I did fall for you. But I didn't fall in so deep. And then it comes crashing down. Again. & again.

2008-02-14T13:07:00.002+08:00

I love you.

When someone says that to you, what would be your reaction? I just kept quiet. Its not that I didn't have any feelings towards him, but it should just come out when it feels right.

I shouldn't let the past make me fear for the future. I shouldn't run & hide but instead embrace it.
It had to start somewhere doesn't it?

Why am I here?
What am I meant to do?
Soul searching?

All I want to do, is find a way back into love. Thats it.

2008-02-13T16:44:00.002+08:00

Because everybody needs someone.
You can't deny that.

Swoon baby.
I'll catch you.

I met some amazing people. And I thank God for that.

Tomorrow is Valentines day. I'm proud to be a Muslim.
And I'm even prouder to say:

I don't do Valentines :D

2008-02-12T01:20:00.000+08:00

I should be sleeping now, I guess. But I'm not, instead I cleaned my room & rid off the junk on the table & thats when I found an old diary.

It wasn't old, just abandoned.
Sometimes you try hard to run away from the past, but somehow or rather it always bites you in the arse making you lie awake at night asking yourself: was that it?

2am in the morning you ask yourself: was that all to it?
Apparently yes.

You go through struggles to appreciate what you have, you become sick to learn to take care of yourself more. You go through a heartbreak to actually know what love is.

2am in the morning and you lie awake asking yourself:

that was it.

2008-02-11T16:43:00.000+08:00

All I want to do is find a way back into love

Feb 14 is coming nearer & nearer. I don't celebrate Valentines if that's what you're wondering. But by itself, Feb 14 is just another date that should have never happened.

Have you ever wondered about the people you are going to meet? New friends & lovers. New enemies & surprises. Have you ever wondered about the future? Where you'll be ten years from now & such.
If you could travel back in time would you change the past? Make sure some things never did happen at all

Or would you scoff at the idea & say: I live my life with no regrets. Why should I change the past?

I have yet to meet someone who lives life one day at a time. Who doesn't even bother about tomorrows problems. All of us are always in a rush. We rush to get the train, we rush to get the best seats, we rush to and from school. We live our life in an invisible schedule. We could at any moment stop & go about doing the things we love but we choose not to. We choose to do what others expect us to. Succumb & surrender. Don't think, cause we'll think for you.
We behave how society expects us to, whether we like it or not.

I think those people who say that Singapore is in China are dumb & shallow. Ask Americans on the street where they think Singapore is, and they'll say China. Confirm.

2008-02-10T12:51:00.000+08:00

The same dreams were played again. Another night. Another scene. But the same actor plays it out. We danced out our sorrows in glee, drowning the crowd out with our laughter. We dance out the scene played over & over again. We danced to the sounds of our own demise. & then I start beating the crap out of you.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Lol-able

2008-02-10T00:49:00.000+08:00

The Orang Panjang Contemporary Mat
Dictionary

Gua [goo-wah] noun – What some mats
and minahs use to call themselves.
Similar in using “lu” when referring
to others. A legacy that dates
back to the times of Mat Rocks back in
the early 80s.

A common trick that can be played on
Mats is to ask them to translate
the English phrase “Monkey Cave” into
Malay. The mat will then say
“Gua Monyet” (I'm a monkey).

Mat [mat] noun – To the rest of the
world, the word simply means a
Malay guy. But within the Malay
community itself there is a growing
disparity in consensus to its actual
meaning. Popularly, it's used to
denote a guy who converses primarily
in Malay, as opposed to the more
“English speaking” types. Favourites
of the mats include tapered
jeans, trucker caps and weepy Malay
songs with sickeningly suicidal
lyrics.

Matrep [mat-rape] noun – An extreme
version of the mat. In addition to
the usual mat accessories, a matrep
will also come adorned with tattoos
and matching body-piercings in weird
corners of his body.

Minah [mee-nah] noun – An expression
used to denote a Malay female.
Derived from the popular Malay name,
Aminah, which used to be all the
rage some time ago. It was sort of
the “in-thing” to name your
daughter Aminah back in the 60s and
70s. In fact, legend has it that if
you go to Geylang Serai market and
shout “Hai Minah!” at least a
quarter of the makcik population there
is going to turn around and smile
at you.

Picit [pee-chet] adjective – When a
mat tells you to “picit” him, it
does not mean that he is trying to be
cheeky (or gay, if he is talking
to a fellow mat). It simply means that
the mat wants you to call him on
his mobile. What were you thinking?

Relaksuah [ree-lek-soo-wah] adjective –
Official slogan and life motto
of the mats and minahs.

Sial [see- yal ] noun / adjective – A
full stop in every mat's
sentence. Eg: “Tadi aku nampak
accident sial Rabak sial Aku tak bedek
sial Kesian sial” Translation: Just
now I saw an accident (full stop)
It was bad (full stop) I'm not kidding
(full stop) Poor guy (full stop)

In its purest form, “sial”
means “jinx” but mats have refined
the
art of using the word to include it at
the end of their every sentence.
Also comes in the more polite
form “siak” and “siul” for those
who
do not want to sound too crude.

Skank [s-kank] adjective - A favourite
weird-looking dance performed by
mats and minahs. Usually done at any
of the various gigs that mats and
minahs love to congregate at. At
times, you do detect evidence of
artistry in the dance but most of the
time they just look like they've
been possessed by the ghost of a
restless retard.

Sowie [soh-wee] adjective – An
expression of apology used by minahs.
Commonly used in SMS and instant
messaging. Actually they can just use
the word “sorry” like every normal
human being but minahs think that
it will make them sound extra cute to
deliberately talk that way.
Example : “I will be late. Sowie!”

Step [se-tep] adjective – To beguile,
dissimulate or impersonate
something or someone that they are
not. Also commonly used to describe a
fellow mat or minah who acts in an
arrogant manner. E.g.“Kau jangan nak
step tak tahu eh?” Translation: Don't
you dare feign innocence in this
matter. Can also be used as a gerund
e.g. “stepping”. See next entry.

Step Jambu [se-tep jam-boo] adjective -
What minahs do when they are
sitting alone in a train and a group
of mats walk in. It is a general
exercise where the minah “controls”
her facial muscles and posture in
a way that would make her look her
best. This would usually involve
looking incessantly at her handphone
for no particular reason.

Stoppit [setop-eet] adjective – A
general expression of intolerance and
dismay. When a minah uses this phrase,
be very careful for it signals
that she is about to lose her cool or
get very violent.

Don't write me off

2008-02-09T21:48:00.000+08:00

"I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night"

Finding someone to talk to you late at night is easy. Finding someone to talk to you to make you forget things, is easier. Finding someone to make you weak, dependent & realize everything is another thing all together is harder. I miss that feeling. Just the feeling, & nothing more.

I don't want to change.

Juliet, the dice was loaded from the start.

2008-02-08T22:08:00.000+08:00

A blow to the mind.

Its better not to get attached to people, better yet to not expect something extraordinary from them.
Disappointment is better when you expected nothing at all in return. But of course, it was too much to ask from you.

When you can fall for chains of silver you can fall for chains of gold
You can fall for pretty strangers and the promises they hold
You promised me everything you promised me thick and thin yeah
Now you just say oh Romeo yeah you know I used to have a scene with him

The best thing to ask from you?
Nothing at all.

Juliet, I'd do the stars with you. Anytime.

Oh so Cliche.

2008-02-08T12:21:00.000+08:00

Life is perfect.
Why?
Cause I'm happy. Just that.
But, there's no more books to read.

But I imagine a scene where I meet you. You start talking to me & I ignore all the words coming out of you. I start cursing at you in all those different languages & I punch you. Just punch your face right there & there. Hard. You stand there mouth agape, and I spit at you. But its just another dream. Like how I dreamt about Ram. Can you believe it? I dreamt about Ram.

Anger is just a poison. Anger is not a weapon. Anger eats you from the inside & consumes you, making you bitter & lethargic. I've got no more anger. But still, I'm lethargic cause I'm sick. & all we ever need is a little love, & we could make a difference. Can we?

Yes we can. Vote Obama.

Juliet, I'd do the stars with you. Anyday.

2008-02-07T15:41:00.000+08:00

"I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end"

Thats what I go to skool for.

2008-02-06T18:11:00.000+08:00

Had a blast going back to sec school today, even though the ending was a tad sucky. :/
Met up with school mates :D
& watched them play soccer. D:
While, Val, Elly & I were camwhoring all over old school building. We didn't manage to (lepak)2 after that though. Went home & edit photos!

My pride & glory! :D

shar is like so sexy manz. Almost fainted watching him run around half naked :D

&& I edited these pictures!

I had fun talking to teachers.
Rah

&& to end it off:

2008-02-05T21:25:00.000+08:00

Because nobody want to admit defeat & because everybody gives up easily.
Its easy to give up, easier to take life into your own hands, easier to run away, so much easier.
Have you ever heard the saying:

You have to go through the rain to see the rainbow.
Go through heartache to know what true love is.

Ah well. Something like that. Its so much easier to admit defeat. But where's the thrill in that? Why not go through it?
I won't stand down until my last breath, and that is until I'm old.
Just like Temujin, I'll fight on.

Who is Temujin? Go read:
Wolf Of The Plains. Its about Genghis Khan, the amazing conqueror. Its a good read. Really.

'I am the land and the bones of the hills. I am the winter.'

2008-02-04T22:01:00.000+08:00

"Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball"

Again, I feel the need to be alone, not technically. I don't want to be alone, & neither do I want to be stuck with the wrong people. I don't want. I'm feeling moody right now. Why? I have no idea.

I've got a new book. I'll be reading it soon.

2008-02-04T13:32:00.000+08:00

Because I know I'm good for something. I just don't know it right now.

As a person I don't believe that anybody is ugly. I do however believe that as humans we see what we want to see. We see a beautiful person and assume that she is as beautiful as she looks. We can't help it, everyone is: shallow. I know I am.

Its human nature right? Sometimes I go for looks when I don't know those people, but I can fall for someone's personality. Haha. I don't go for weak guys or guys that don't have egos. I go for guys who are so full of themselves and who believe their own rights despite everything else. Its just wonderful to be arguing about our beliefs. I live for those moments. I don't go for weak and needy guys cause it should be the other way around. But I know I'm not weak, and its just wrong for a guy to be so dependent on a girl. I don't want a guy who easily gives in.
Its random. I know.

2008-02-03T23:38:00.000+08:00

SO CUTE IT'LL MAKE YOUR HEAD EXPLODE!!!

2008-02-03T13:52:00.000+08:00

"That if the moon had to runaway
And all the stars didn't wanna play
Don't waste the sun on a rainy day
The wind will soon blow it all away

When the days all seem the same
Don't feel the cold or wind or rain
Everything will be okay
We will meet again one day
I will shine on, for everyone"

There was never a need to dwell on the past. Never a need to feel upset about the things that should have, would have happened. It has happened, & nothing in the world can change that. I'm not God, I'm just someone. I can't go back in time to undo the things that I did wrong, to prevent the things I did. I'm not full of regrets or sorrow. I'm not full of sadness or emptiness. & neither am I lonely or bored with my life.
Being with friends yesterday made me happy. They made me laugh. Shar was spastic, as usual. "Sape pompuan tu!" haha. Zlan was there, so yeahh.

& now I miss those spastic people.

2008-02-02T23:04:00.001+08:00

Rara. I feel uberly happy today. Had fun with the classmates :D

I miss you so~
& its nice seeing you again~

All those people are loved.

2008-02-01T20:54:00.000+08:00

"I had to find you, tell you I need ya
And tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and nurse me your questions
Oh lets go back to the start
Running in circles, coming in tails
Heads on a science apart
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start"

I saw her today, had a long time to think about it on the way back home. Realized that I wasn't upset. More happy yet confused. Confused to what exactly? I don't know. But I am.
I'm not lonely & I don't need a relationship or whatever it is you people call it now. I realized that I'm happy right now. Why? Cause there's no limits to anything I can or can't do.

I've finished reading The Zahir. I want more of his books!
I'll lend it to anybody who wants to read it. But not yet. I'm still stuck to the book.

On hopes and believing.

2008-01-31T13:19:00.000+08:00

"There's nothing left to say anymore."

The fact is. There still is.

I'm now moody. I'm happy & sad mixed in one whole container.
I hate pretending.
& I hate you.

2008-01-30T15:18:00.000+08:00

"I resisted the temptation and tried to get through that moment, discovering, in the process, that there is nothing worse than the feeling that no one cares whether we exist or not, that no one is interested in what we have to say about life, and that the world can continue turning without our awkward presence" The Zahir, page 213

We can't avoid the feeling of loneliness, the feeling that no one really cares about us, those kind of emotions usually come around when its late at night, the radio switched on & you lie on your bed thinking. I'm not saying that everyone feels that way, and this isn't an emo post. I just like writing this kind of stuff.

"On the way back, I passed other people in the same situation and noticed that they fall into two categories: those who looked arrogant, because they wanted to pretend they had chosen to be alone on that lovely night, and those who looked sad and ashamed of their solitary state" The Zahir, page 215

As much as we sometimes want to be alone, no body really wants to feel deserted, abandoned and such. Nobody wants to die alone. Nobody wants to end up alone. Nobody. I'd rather go hungry than be alone. Really. But I'm not alone, I have wonderful friends, a wonderful family and guys? We'll leave that topic. I'm happier than I was yesterday. Even happier than I was a few years back. I go through life like anybody else would. I work hard to get what I want. I play fair and I go through the motions of life and death. I enjoy being loved and falling in love. I cry when I'm upset, I smile when I'm happy, and just like everybody else, I take my minutes for granted.

Cheers

2008-01-29T22:23:00.000+08:00

The last post for the day? I hope.

I took down the earliest post cause it was degrading? Yes. Those who really know me know that when I'm really really upset or when something major that causes me to go in hysterics, I'll do something major to myself. If my hair is long, I'll chop it off. If it's short, I'll cut it shorter, and so on.
I now realize that I'm in desperate need for a job to finance myself. I now realize that I'm in desperate need for a make-over. I can't wait for chinese new year, just so I get to see Chris :)

Yes, I am lucky cause I'm surrounded by people who love me. But you still feel empty inside cause there's just this one splinter that is just there. I need that splinter out. I don't care anymore. No more.

Congratulations, I hate You

2008-01-29T19:34:00.001+08:00

Okay, previous post: I was angry. Too angry. Very angry

If someone told you that you aren't suppose to be doing the things that you are doing, would you listen to that person? You would right cause that person might be more "wiser" than you. But what if you found out that that person who preached to you about all the wrong things did it? Would you be upset?
I am.

I just can't accept the fact that after all these years you still are bitter & worthless. You preach about what you think is right for the whole humanity and I believed you. I followed you. But in the end you did the things that you preached about. How stupid can that be?
Don't smoke, but you're smoking.
Don't drink, but you drink.
Don't have sex, but are fucking everybody else.
Be faithful. But are you?

Generally people don't want to realize that all this while they have been duped, I didn't want to wake up and realize that OMG, what in the world have I been doing? But I did. I woke up oneday & I realized that I don't want to be your dog anymore. I realized that I don't owe you anything. I paid my dues, I paid my rent, I gave you back everything that I ever took from you. But still you judge me for the one mistake i did. That one small mistake that you couldn't believe I would ever do to you? Until when would you expect me to still live under your rules? Until when do you expect me to still go about having you as my teacher? Not anymore. I'm free from you FIR. I am actually free from your stupid lies. Your stupid promiscuity. I am free from all those things that I was trapped in.

You are nothing but a motherfucker. And I literally wish that I can kill you, but I won't. Instead, I'll do the next best thing, I'll let karma get you. & I am sick and tired. I am sick & tired of all the excuses, & the lies.

And yes, I'm egoistical. So what? Sue me then.

&& this song? Its for you.

no one ever said that life was fair and I'm not saying that it should be
so knowing that you are where you want to be and I'm not comes as no surprise
but don't expect me to be happy for you
and don't smile at me and tell me things will work out for me too
I don't want your pity...I hate your pity

taste your vanity and its sweet bitterness
as you hide behind your veil of my stolen hopes and lost dreams
...you took them all...
I watched you steal my thoughts and had to see you smile

as you build your dreams on my shattered hopes
I'll look back on a day once loved and fantasize for tragedy

swallow your pride

beg me to make this easier and listen to my hopeless cries

suffer alone in emptiness
I lust to see you swallowed by the mess that you left in your wake
disgust lies deep within your empty gaze...

beg me to make this easier and listen as my hopeless cries
send stares into your meaningless eyes

my envy can't describe how I loathe you for having all the stars
leaving my eyes to marvel the sky knowing it should be mine
yet it's you I see wasting the dream that only I deserve
I'll tear off your face to see your smile.

as you build your dreams on my shattered hopes
I'll look back on a day once loved and fantasize for tragedy

swallow your pride

2008-01-28T14:57:00.000+08:00

"No one should ever ask themselves that: Why am I unhappy? The question carries within it the virus that will destroy everything. If we ask that question, it means we want to find out what we have now, then we must either change once and for all or stay as we are, feeling even more unhappy...

No, I can't think like that. If I behave in the way people expect me to behave, I will become their slave. It requires enormous self-control not to succumb, because our natural tendency is to want to please, even if the person to be pleased is us..." The Zahir, Page 120

Am I happy? What is being happy without being dependent on other people? Like couples, you envy them cause they are always happy. But what happens when there is no "us" would they be happy then? No. I don't want to be happy because of a relationship, not that I am in one. But the feeling in a relationship, that feeling of utmost joy and bliss. Feels like you are in cloud nine, then one day it starts raining at your parade. He leaves, you are unhappy. Dependence on one person to make you happy. I call myself pathetic. I want to be happy within myself, no dependence. Am I happy now? I really don't know.

Are you happy? Before you start saying Yes I am Happy, think. What makes you happy? What if that thing disappeares? Would you be happy?

2008-01-27T13:19:00.000+08:00

When you need the truth from your ex instead of your gf, that's called Pathetic.
When your own gf can't even tell you the truth, that's called, karma.
When your ex makes you happy instead of your gf, that's called: Pathetic

Is it retribution that you are facing now dear boy? I don't know. Maybe this is one of the other little things that is to come. You can't escape from it dear boy. I respect you as a human being, like the other billions I respect. But as you, I don't respect you. You can always lie to me, but to yourself? You never can. Pathetic little boy, I feel sorry for you. & for awhile then, I could actually feel a soul inside you.

Currently reading The Zahir by Paulo Coelho. I love it. The way the writer narrates it and the ability he has to evoke this subconscious feeling inside me. Shit, I need more of his books.

2008-01-26T19:58:00.000+08:00

Okay. I bought hairdye, hair colour will change soon. :D

Mum & Dad are sponsoring hi-lights! YAY.
The outcome?
You will see in a few weeks time.

&& the twelve choices are almost done. Tomorrow at midnight we do JAE.
There are Design courses in NYP and TP.
Engineering courses in SP, ranking & research still needs to be done though.

RAHH.
Ash brown with blonde hi-lights!

2008-01-25T20:36:00.000+08:00

I hate it that I'm like putty in your hands. You are able to control my emotions, make me happy angry at the same time. Making me hate it cause I can't have you. I hate it that you are my kryptonite, that I become weak & vulnerable when you come around. I hate how weak I become. I know I'm better off without you, that I don't need you to survive, I don't need you. But I still hate the fact that I'm weak around you even though.

It seems stupid that I'm wishing you happiness, but yes I am. That I hope she treasures and appreciates you as much as I did. That she loves you as much as I did. I miss you, I can't deny that. But maybe its more of your presence that I miss. But other doors will open up soon & surely in due time everything will fall in place, for now its more of living life one day at a time. Yes. & positive thinking helps too.

On another note.
Elly, Hong Jun, Shar, Noob & I went back to school for some advice from Mr.Gomez cause none of us know what to do. It was more of I have no idea what course would benefit me and such. Stayed in school to choose various courses & briefly I have an idea of what I want to do. It helps when you have an amazing VP doesn't it?

I'm going for designing courses in Tp and Np. Wish me luck. I'll be sending JAE forms on Sunday.

& to all those others who didn't meet up to your own expectations, think carefully to what you really want. Don't blindly choose a course or something just cause your friend is doing it. Its your future. And its not the end of the world okay. Seek advices from teachers if you must. Don't give up till the game ends.

Okay. Bye.

2008-01-24T16:52:00.000+08:00

I passed O's. Amin. :D

I managed to get below 20 points for L1R4.
Next chapter in life? Idk.

But I'm thankful for the results. Even though some part of me says I could have done better, I'm happy and content. :)
A huge burden has been lifted off me. All the hard work finally paid off :)

To all you taking O's this year, don't wait till the last minute to study. All the sweat and tears of going through O's are worth it once you open that result slip. I couldn't have done it without my buddies.

And thank you Elly for being there. Jun Hao and Dan for studying with me. Zlan and Chaqif for teaching me. And all the teachers. Lol.

I'm just thankful.

And last but not least, congrats to Elly for getting that 15 points. I knew you could do it from the very beginning. And I am proud of you. :)

kthxbai.

2008-01-24T11:31:00.000+08:00

2hours. 30mins more.
die. :/

2008-01-24T00:27:00.000+08:00

ZOMG.
ZOMG.
ZOMG.

It'S THURSDAY.
LESS THAN 15HOURS TO RESULTS.
I CAN'T SLEEP.

zomg zomg zomg zomg zomg.
:(

2008-01-22T21:53:00.000+08:00

Its between breathing and talking.

I'm counting down to the last days. Figuratively.

One more day. Technically.

And I'm preparing for the worst. Literally.

No, don't tell me I'll do well. Cause I have no confidence. Only God knows how I feel. And ten thousand other students.

Its between breathing and waiting.

2008-01-21T15:12:00.000+08:00

Three more days to results.

Thursday 24th January.
2pm.

2008-01-21T00:51:00.000+08:00

There's no doubt that feelings can change. That as much as I want you to be happy, I don't wish you that. And all those happy memories get stuck in my head, playing over and over again like an irritating song.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm just typing. Erasing. Thinking. Doubting. Breathing. Its like the song Romeo & Juliet

Come up on different streets they both were streets of shame
Both dirty both mean yes and the dream was just the same
And I dreamed your dream for you and now your dream is real
How can you look at me as if I was just another one of your deals?

And just like a typical human being I start pointing the finger at others trying to save my own skin, my own self from trepidation. When one guy pulls the right string I can't help but question myself: Will it even last?
I don't want to be another star in a love song. I don't want to be the main character that is emphasized throughout. I'm a libra. So, sue me.

But on the bright side. I'm still breathing.

And Shar is LOVE.
MOVIE!
lol.

And WOW.
I got an email from Hajia Mariam:

Dear Beloved,

Due to the sudden death of my husband General Abacha the former head of state of Nigeria in June 1998, I have been thrown into a state of hopelessness by the present administration.I have lost confidence with anybody within my country. I got your contacts through personal research,and had to reach you through this medium. I will give you more details when you reply.

Due to security network placed on my daily affairs I cant visit the embassy so that is why I have contacted you.My husband deposited $12.6million dollars with a security firm abroad whose name is witheld for now till we communicate. I will be happy if you can receive this funds and keep it safe I assure you 20% of this fund. I will need your telephone/mobile numbers so that we can commence communication.

Sincerely Yours,

Hajia Mariam.

scamscamscamscamscamscamscam.

2008-01-20T22:55:00.000+08:00

LOL.
I laughed so hard looking at this site.

http://www.isnichwahr.de/r12890066-safe-for-work-porn.html

2008-01-20T19:40:00.000+08:00

PICTURE HEAVY.

Met Atiq, Faizal , Jupjup and Fardiana at JE. Jupjup.

Jupjup, Faizal, Me, Atiq.

Diy! The missing link for five years.
The center of attention. *ahem*

Okay, fine. I'm lazzyy to update about the day's event. But it was fun. Met people I haven't met for a long time. Everybody was like reminiscing about the kental days in primary school. The stupid antics we all got into. But sadly, organizer had to leave early. But, I had fun. Numbers were exchanged and we're gonna keep in contact. Insya'Allah.

I'm super stoned. :D

2008-01-19T23:02:00.000+08:00

I had fun with primary school peeps :D
Update pictures later. Byebye

2008-01-19T09:13:00.001+08:00

2am and still waiting. The phone call that will probably never happen anyway. It seems foolish to tell you that I miss you. Foolish to say anyway. I always visualize the things I want to say to you. The words that can just never come out right. You're so perfect to me that I couldn't see beyond your flaws, that I felt I couldn't love anybody more, seek confidence to and trust. But alas, perfection was too much to ask from you.

I try to reason with myself the doubts, feelings, insecurities I feel. Reason with myself to why you left. I want to think that it was my fault, but my pride can't stand down. Its been months now, and I'm still trying to figure out the whole predicament. For reasons I know myself, I'm afraid to venture to the unknown depths. Too afraid to let go, to open myself up. I'm just not that kind of person. I don't go screaming when surprises happen. I smile. I don't condone pda. But I try.

But I'm a human being, I find fault in other's before myself. I won't take that leap of faith right now. I'm still too young to be thinking of relationships. Commitments and the whole package.

I find it hard to look at people. Directly in the eye. Eye to eye. Especially with the opposite sex, or someone I'm into. Its just this feeling that I'm afraid to know.

I'm a born pessimist. But make me happy.
Chanel 2.55
Red sole shoes
& Blue Boxes.

2008-01-18T23:06:00.000+08:00

I am not psyched/excited/anxious for results.
I am nervous/not in the mood/crappy about results.
I want my results but ironically, I don't want to see them.

It doesn't help when friends keep pointing out that results are coming, results are coming and all that stuffsss. And it doesn't help when you keep getting mail from the schools that you want to go to. Can you see that I'm feeling crappy?! OBVIOUSLY.
Its torturing.
Its mind-numbing, soul choking, anxiety filled. Its like a bout of unhappiness added with mindless shitting involved. I keep getting sweaty palms just thinking about it. And I know everybody waiting would be nervous too. Yes.

One more week to go. Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit. Seriously. I have absolutely no confidence. I just know I screwed everything up. Grr.

2008-01-18T15:29:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is the bigbigbig day.

After 98345674133587684643135 years. Wow, finally.

Okay, I'm lazy. Byebye.

2008-01-17T20:20:00.000+08:00

:}

I just came back from a date? Though I can't say it is a date cause both of us were just walking through Jurong Park && Chi Garden. It was nice. I kept giggling, and he kept smiling. And both of us were...yeahh.
It feels easy opening up to him. And the day was spent how I planned it to. Nice & peaceful.

It was nice. :)

2008-01-16T19:39:00.000+08:00

The episode on The Tyra Show irked me. Today's episode mainly.
About people who have low self esteem wanting to be the person that they envy so much for a day.

It seems so bleagh. Okay, my views.
They were unhappy towards those people that they envy cause they were in their sense, much more prettier, beautiful, gorgeous then them. In short, they felt that they are ugly and the other drop dead gorgeous. So, they traded faces for a day, see how the other party feels. I felt bad for the pretty girl turned not pretty girl. Okay, so the girl felt ostracized. Low self esteem and all that. And so what?

A girl is only pretty through what is outside. I mean, you don't need looks to help you out with everything right? All you need is self confidence and to walk with confidence. So what if other people don't think you are all that? Fuck them. And yes, I have had my own self conflicts, low self esteem, doubts, but oneday you just realize, you can't let all these shits bring you down. I've had my fair of comments, negative and positive. Yes, positive comments make me happy, and negative comments don't. But again, fuck them.

On another note.

Xuan just had to leave a comment at Friendster saying: 8 more days!
And I'm like. Wtf.
I think everybody is gonna crap in their pants sitting at wherever the place is we are taking our results.
I think I'm gonna crap in my pants looking at my results.
Tears of happiness or joy?
We'll see when judgment day comes.
Huh.

On another note.

I dreamt of you yesterday night. You just appeared. We talked, alot. You said goodbye, and I asked: "Are you still with _ _ _ _?" You replied, "Yeah, we quarrel alot. But we're still together."
So, I said, okay. I turned away and walked up the stairs cause we were in my living room. I just kept looking, and that's when I forced myself to wake up. I didn't break down. I didn't go wtf. I didn't do any of that. Instead I just went Huh. And fell back to sleep. Haha!
Its amazing how much of an impact you have on my now. And its zilch.

I will marry Adam Levine oneday. HAHA!
If not, an Adam Levine look alike. Hehe.

2008-01-16T16:42:00.000+08:00

With people like you, who needs enemies?

Yes, I am happy right now. And yes, I am being a bitch right now, cause seriously, I don't need this kind of shit. And if you think I'm that kind of person, then be it. Everybody is entitled to their own presumptions right? And if that makes you sleep peacefully at night, then be it.

2008-01-16T14:14:00.000+08:00

Give me a minute
I need a second
Got to breathe there
It's Just one of those things

wish I could tell you
How much I need you
And how much you
need me to go

Please don't listen
to what I'm gonna tell you
Look in my eyes and know
I simply had to give up
But I didn't let go without struggle
you know, I still love you
It's just, just one of those things

I know I made it seem
Like all was written down
And I hid all my pain
And now I bring it out

And you'll be scared at first
cuz it's such an ugly blow
I don't know which is worse
to learn or not to know

Please don't listen
to what I'm gonna tell you
Look in my eyes and know
I simply had to give up
But I didn't let go without struggle
you know, I still love you
It's just, just one of those things

Please don't listen
to what I'm gonna tell you
Look in my eyes and know
I simply had to give up
But I didn't let go without struggle
you know, I still love you
It's just, it's just one of those things

I tried to tell you a million times
That you have always been one of us
I tried to tell you a million times
You have always been one of us

Please don't listen
(I tried to tell you a million times
That you have always been one of us)
Please don't listen
(I tried to tell you a million times
That you have always been one of us)
Please don't listen....

You can't judge me or hate me for doing this to you. You make it seem like everything is my fault. Is it? You know how hard it was for me to wake up oneday and realize I lost everything? Do you? You left me cause you didn't want me to get hurt. But one way or another, you just did. And then oneday you come around galloping back just when things were going right for me. Just when I had my sanity back. You say that I'm always busy doing things when you are free? I have been there all this while. There, a phone call away. I tried understanding what you are going through, believe me I tried. But no, you can't see that.
Fine if you think that way. That I'm too busy for you. Seriously, I don't need things going wrong for me at this moment. You wanted to play this game, I'll play it too. I'll show you what this girl can do.
I've learned my lesson. And I am never gonna wait for any guy. And I don't need this right now.

2008-01-15T21:15:00.000+08:00

You know those days when you feel like the whole world is against you, your brother ran away with his gay lover, the ex that cheated on you is having a better life than you. And you feel so down, so low. So, you message someone. He replies with concern and that tone that makes everything seem alright: Syahira? Are you ok? Anything I can help you with?
Your heart melts. You feel touched.
It makes you smile. Abit. Buttttttttt the icing on the cake is: You realized you don't know where to start. And didn't seem to know what was bothering you in the first place. And ten minutes just seem to walk by. And all of a sudden, he calls.
He calls and asks you, Are you okay?

OMG!

How would you feel?

Happy of course :D
I forgot what made me angry in the first place. :D

&& I'm kidding about the brother running away with his gay partner. As I know it, both are straight. Unless Shar comes along.

2008-01-14T13:44:00.000+08:00

"All right, you win, but I only give you one night
To prove yourself to be better than my attempt at flight
I swear to God if you hurt me I will leap
I will toss myself from these very cliffs
And you'll never see it coming."
"Settle precious, I know what you're going through
Cause ten minutes before you got here I was gonna jump too."

I don't get how guys can be soo, clueless. Just clueless.

I have more things to think about. Like results. Which are coming nearer and nearer as it strikes midnight. All the thoughts are pessimistic. None, optimistic. But like he said, its no use thinking about what already happened. It'll just ruin your day. Yeah.
I miss Diyana and Atiq like soo much. Its been years since we've met. And I can't believe we are finally meeting soon.

2008-01-13T13:54:00.000+08:00

"Your face arrives again
All hope I had becomes surreal
 But under your cover's
 More torture than pleasure
And just past your lips
There's more anger than laughter"

Call it wishful thinking. I'd walk through fire with you. Swim the deepest oceans, do things you love, just so, I could spend every minute with you. The thought is oh so depressing. Yes? No. I would, but I would rather not.

A rose is beautiful. It is beautiful because it has thorns. Its pure, the colour, the essence. Everything about a rose is wonderful, beautiful. You pluck it, and you get prick. A rose is a rose, but be reminded of its thorns. Don't be fooled to the exterior, the idea that you wish to see. Don't be fooled by its demeanor. Don't be fooled.

2008-01-12T23:57:00.001+08:00

Take my hand. We'll leave this place, just the two of us.

Where are we going?

Everywhere. Just me, you and the open road. We'll go everywhere. We'll conquer everything together. I just need you by my side. Just you babe. Nothing else is important. Run away with me.

Run away with me, we'll forget this dump.

What ever girl wants, is a fantasy come true. No matter, how bitter, old, young, beautiful, ugly, fat, skinny, whatever. The fantasy for true love to come oneday. Take her away on a fairy tale adventure. Fairy tales are over rated. And parents shouldn't be reading to us the tales of how happy endings always exists. Sure, they do exist. But until when? Happy ever after? They don't last ever after.

Okay I'm feeling better now. Someone just msgd :DDDD

2008-01-12T20:38:00.000+08:00

And oh.
I went to Poly open house.

Top four courses if I do well for O's:
-Diploma In Hotel & Resort Management (NYP)
-Diploma In Psychology Studies (TP)
-Diploma In Veterinary Technology (TP)
-Diploma In Product & Industrial Design (TP)

The first two choices I want their cut off points are 13 and 10. I'm not sure about the others. All I need now, is good results. Sigh.

I can't believe I'm meeting primary school mates soon. Its been like 965862344531687546464 years since I've seen them. Shitz.

2008-01-12T19:58:00.000+08:00

An excerpt from a book I recently read:

"You suffocated me. It was like you were whittling away at me all the time. Trying to make me feel worthless and grateful. Trying to neuter me like you did the others so I'd never leave you. So you could be the one that did the leaving."

In someway, I felt suffocated. I felt smothered, controlled. The leash was on too tight, too short. I felt violated. But all in all, I stuck it out. I swallowed somewhat of my pride. Just cause. But no, you had to make demolish me. But now I realize, I'm stronger than that, I don't need you, or your words. It took me forever to realize how stupid I am to be in love with you. But not anymore. Yes, I am frustrated. But screw that. I don't need the extra baggage, or you bringing me down. I could live without you. I've done so for the last 17 years. You leaving, was the best thing that ever happened in my life. Really.

2008-01-11T15:44:00.000+08:00

The plan to meet up, didn't happen. Nevermind, there's always other days.

And this guy, is just a friend. A great friend that I would like to know more about. I shouldn't rush things, not anymore. I should just let time do the rest, no more rushing. Things should be perfect right? And who is this mystery guy?

That is a secret, I will never tell. Okay, maybe to some people. But shut up oookaay...

Its amazing. Haha

I found primary school best friend on Friendster :D.
Nur Diyana Bte Yakob, you are missed dearly. Its been like what? Five years since you moved away? Finally. And oh, outing soon yeah?! Haha

Slowly. :D

2008-01-10T19:37:00.000+08:00

I can't believe I did that. I am still recovering from the shock. Lol. I made the first move to what, asking a guy out? Okay...tak tau malu.
Its like. OMG OMG OMG OMG.

Okay, don't panic. Maybe he changed his mind. He's confirming later right. Panicking is for other people. Haha.

Okay. I want to draw shit.